Thoughts on: Finding the right job as a new dad
It is not always easy being away from family, especially when it is for 8 hours a day. It gets made all the more difficult when you do not enjoy your time at work, or worse yet, feel unfulfilled. There is an age old question, how do you find the work that is right for you? And now that you are a father, the pressure to succeed and provide gets lost in the ambitious hunt for hapiness.
For me, I struggled a lot to have balanced happiness in my life. I was successful at work, but that placed pressure at home. When I was a successful partner, my work often suffered. This would alternate for years. And when we learnt that we would fall pregnant, these glaring flaws became more of a focal point.Moving to Sweden allowed me to re-centre and force myself to make the shift from work horse with no end game to a structured, focused indidivual. And the reason became clear to me.
I needed to find a reason to work other than the financial gain.
I wrestled with the ideals that money made the man. And I still think that to a degree, but I am now focused on more than that. It became about leaving a mark and influencing yourself and those around you. Fortunately for me, I came into two great jobs that would ultimately fulfill different aspects of my life in it’s current state. I found work as a Primary school teacher for English (my University Major) in a small suburb just outside of town and a head bartender at an award winning hotel.
Both gave me what I needed at that moment.
With teaching, I watch the kids grow as individuals and develop interpersonal skills while acquiring new strengths. This is a magnificent thing to witness, even when they are not your children, you feel this incredible bond with them. You become a suedo-parent to this random collection of souls due to the fact you care for them for a large sector of your weeks. This job gave me knowledge and experience with young adults to be. It has taught me patience. Humility and the ability to educate and inspire young maluable minds. All these traits I take home with me on a daily basis, and that makes me a better partner and father. I lacked these qualities in the past at certain points, and being forced to be the person you can and should be by employment forced my hand of change.
With bartending, I was given the chance to continue my passion and maintain grown relationships with adults in an environment that is forbidden to youths. This broke my weekly routines of certain responsibilities at home and school and allowed me to be that young rockstar behind the bar once again. For my entire adult life I have been a cocktail bartender. I love it. But I am also realistic. I cannot stand behind the bar for 45 years shaking and stirring with a growing family in front of me. So I made it my hobby.
What more could a man ask for. A loving home, a great day job and a hobby that he adores and that pays. I am a lucky human.
Nowdays, I am far more tame than in years gone by. I do enjoy that small degree of change in my weekly structure, however, I feel it is vital. We all need to feel satisfied. And as a father, you need to have the mindset of providing while staying mentally stable. If you cannot do that, life will be a short ride.
For now, I have found that sweet spot, and I don’t plan on moving any time soon. Plans may change and spanners may get thrown, but I am ready for whatever.
Peace & Love